Archive for March, 2010

Give Thanks

..told my hubby about how I felt last Saturday at the mass.. “He came and touched me!”.., started from our angel Kristen cantoring for the first time, the beautiful Homily from Fr.Anthony, then this amazing ‘Majesty’ from our Father and the Holy Spirit showered to us when Nic sang ‘The Prodigal Son’ song. Oh! I can’t even remember how beautiful the song was, I couldn’t even join the choir sing the chorus as well.. It was this feeling of being so much LOVED …OVERJOYED! …

Shared with Nic and told him how he had brought us to this joyful and Holy moments.. he said “It wasn’t me! It was all HIM” How humble and at the same time how lucky he is, ..to be His trusted instrument and a blessed vessel to His people..  “That’s what I always pray and ask Him for , so He can use me, and all the cantors, as His vessel to His people”, he added.

I can’t agree more! I surely was touched by Kristen cantoring the Psalms. Not only the angelic voice she has, but also her humbleness in singing the song which, for a second, healed my past wounds and surrendered to our Lord.

I did ask my hubby of how I felt abandoned weeks ago, and why He had never come and spoke to me again, “Where were You when I needed You, Lord?” I often asked.

Then he said, “there is time that you feel overjoyed, you feel His presence and you hear His voices, but then, in your dryest moment, when you thought He was gone, well.., He was not! It was the time when you are already secured in Him, ‘He is all yours’, so you need to move on, carry your bigger cross, and PRAY even more, pray for everyone, our family, our friends, ..everyone..”, “to me, the more we are closer to Him, the more that we need to pray in carrying our own crosses”, he added.

Lord Jesus, I thank you for Your presence, I felt overjoyed. However, I realized that this doesn’t mean that ‘it was the only time You are here with me!’
You never leave me even in my dryest moment in life. That is the time for me to even search deeper , and listen more peacefully, and more confidently walk in Your path.

Thank You for people around me, my hubby and family who always love and pray for me.. and now, my choir friends who always help me to never give up on You!.. Jesus, You never tired of giving me friends, anywhere I am, to show that Your love is greater than anything. I give my thanks to You, Lord, for Your endless LOVE.

…for my lovely hubby and family,
and my friends…



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His promise was real

Where was I in the past few weeks… bottom of the sea… was feeling unsure.. unsecured.. down the slopes..

A blessing encouragement I received from Joanna the other day

“…even in our dryest moments… even when we don’t feel Him there… He IS!  Search deeeep, in the quietness of your heart, He is there. Always there, waiting for you to spend some time with Him. For Him to shower and drench you in HIS love.
When He’s all quiet, it doesn’t mean He’s not there, my dear. Jesus too went through a dry, empty period. May this Lent be a period of grace. The grace to find the ultimate peace, God’s peace, which the world can NEVER give…”

Maintenant, je suis de retour à la piste!

alrite..  He sure reads my blog too 🙂 and now He’s talking 🙂 I am so overjoyed! He’s opening a path for me, … I can see His footprint to easily be followed.. He’s answering all my questions and doubts through the people around me… He touched my heart through His beautiful works.. What is it that He cannot do!?? .. Everything I asked for, He always gives! and simply done only through prayers … just like the most people are saying ‘just pray and He will do the rest’.
..indeed.. He is and He will always do..

Matthew 11:28
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest”

His promise was real …

JanjiMu Tuhan (God’s promise)

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I love to sing! I feel so much closer to Him through singing. I had joined couple choirs back home. The first one was when I was in high school, and we sang at St.Christophorus church.  It was fun! well, I enjoy singing and initially a friend of mine just asked me to join to fill up those choir seats. I was there for only a year since I had to go overseas for further study.

Then, about fifteen years later, I was back in my country and joined the Kerubim choir. That moment, I learned that there are more to learn in singing rather than just the fun of it. Our conductor, P. Harry, taught us how to sing with our ears and hearts. “You’ve got to listen! You’re not singing for yourself but for God” It was a splendid year I had with the group.

In my whole choir experiences, I always see beautiful loving cantors who can really touch everyone’s hearts through their singing and praising to God… wonderful dazzling voices.. Listening to their voices could bring peaceful in my mind..
I was thinking “I wish I had such beautiful voice to sing up there!” How blessed are they, moreover to realize how young they were, to be able to touch everyone’s heart. “God must love them so much”.

It’s been few years, .. and here I am now joining St.Cecilia Family Choir in Singapore. Again, initially, I just love to sing to God as I wish to serve Him more everyday in my life.. then this feeling of wishing to sing God’s words as a cantor came back to me. I shared about this with my hubby, and he simply encouraged me to never stop praying and asking God for His guidance, it will happen if He wishes so..

Our choir master, Web, and our lead cantor, Nic, shared with me what is it about cantoring and serving God, and how is it done, .. “You pray! just do it with a willing heart and just let God lead! you sure will make it through”. I remember dearly Nic said to me, “If you’re just thinking about ‘ME ME ME’, then you will fall apart, but if you’re believing that you are serving and fixing your heart ONLY for HIM, be an instrument for him without involving your feelings, then He will take a good care of you”

I took his advise, but again, I can’t still imagine singing in front of the congregation.. “what if I make mistakes”, “what if I screw up..? what if I can’t finish the song..?”,  how.. what.. and my never ending doubts…

Until last Saturday…I am touched by our 10years old Timothy cantoring up by the altar. He is this little angel sent by God to sing for everyone.. Whenever Nic or Web asked him to do the solo, he is always ready! Never I see him gesturing a reluctance. It’s like “Here I am Lord, use me as Your instrument to worship you”. and he is only 10yrs…

I guess it’s not just about the gifted talent he has, but his spirit and his yearning of giving his talent back to God. Then I thought “There’s never a range of age in worshiping our Lord…”, “What is it to be afraid of?” I said to myself. “Did Tim struggle with his nervousness? Was he afraid that he would make a mistake and someone will blame him? How did he do it?” I really want to hear from him answering all my doubtful questions. Suz told me once “We will all pray for you, let Him do the rest”. How ironic that I am believing how strong a prayer is but at the same time I am feeling that my faith is as small as a grain.

In my night prayers I do feel His voice telling me that He will lead and would never leave me. I could feel that He was walking with Tim and led him all along last Saturday. It was, again, another beautiful proclaiming I’ve seen…

I thank Nic for his encouragement, it’s been a believing voice from him to me, and I promise soon that I will answer to His assignment if He wishes to..


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prayer changes life

It’s very true ~ However we won’t know when our prayer be answered. Or, it has been answered only that we never realize it with our ears and heart shut!

It was five years back we first moved to this country. I surely had both joyful and unhappy moments in life.. trying to cope with so many new things, was not a new thing for me. It’s just that I kept struggling and tried to find where do I fit in, was always a big puzzle. I’ve been living overseas for sooo many years, however only those specific five years time that I could not blend in with the environment..the people, the language, the food, and few other things were just so wrong to me. Did I go to masses? sure did. Did I pray lots? sure did. Did I make the effort to adapt? sure did. In fact I tried to contact some churches for me to join volunteer activities, but still, no luck. I ended up having ‘dryest’ moment in life. What had gone wrong?

Five years was enough for me to humbly ask and try to cope with the surroundings, then we decided to move out from this place! for good! well, intially.

We were out for about a year living in my own country, where everyone knows each other, giving and seeing smiles here and there, .. had a new life, new friends, new joyful moments, not to mention the activities I was involved in with few catholic groups, new accomplishment.. It was a wonderful year I had!

As the days passed by, we realized that it has been a great escape for the burdens I had for the last five years, but I still did not feel HOME yet! It wasn’t really the scene I expected. I prayed to God “I feel more secure in You, with all my friends in faith, but I don’t feel home yet”, I felt more stressful compared to being a stranger overseas. “Help me God” I humbly asked in my prayer.  “If I could turn back time, I might be happier back then”
Oh! so much to ask! and this is not like moving to a new apartment, but to a different country! In fact, it’s not easy to find a new job and to start all over again!
What should I do!!!???

There was one night that we had this wonderful sharing at our small catholic community… “I am not afraid of where I am stationed, as He will go before me, stay with me, and carry me when I am burdened” a touching and powerful statement which woke me up from my endless dissatisfaction. “It really does not matter where we live, include Him in our plans, keep praying and praying…, and be grateful of what He has given to you”,
as He has plans for everyone” added my husband.
With a loving patience from my hubby, we then decided to move back to Singapore.

First day… First week… and been almost one year now that we are back! …and things are just going very well this time… with prayers and a believe that He has His own reason of how and where I am stationed, I now can find my peaceful life. My daughter looks delightful and enjoys her new school very much. We are secured with job as well. What a blessing!

And one of those wonderful gifts from Him, is having a new family, of choir, who could make me feel that I am HOME.. and I can’t wait to experience more and more exciting journeys He has planned for our family.

Why did I have to wait for six years to realize that I am HOME? It’s all His mysterious and fascinating plans.

Just keep on praying,
He keeps His promises…

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